On Tuesday night the finale of The Biggest Loser Australia aired. During the finale the network showed clips of the contestants from their video auditions and their first days at the Biggest Loser house. It was amazing to compare the contestants from the beginning of the show to the end – and not just in the shape of their bodies. At the beginning most of the contestants looked down while speaking in front of a group. Their shoulders drooped and their eyes were full of sadness. In the finale the contestants walked confidently on the stage with strength in their hearts that was visible through the shine in their eyes. They had looked inside of themselves and pushed forward from a place they didn’t know existed. They had taken on the biggest challenge of their lives and succeeded. Who knows what might be next?
I always get emotional watching these shows because it brings me right back to where the contestants are standing. Since I started this blog I have lost seven pounds. But since my highest weight I have lost 59 pounds. I was nearly the size of some of the Biggest Loser contestants. It has been 11 years since I topped the scales at my highest weight, but I remember the feeling of being obese like it was yesterday. The feeling of being judged by others for my size, but even more so, judging myself for allowing myself to become so overweight. Wanting more than anything to lose weight but feeling completely out of control with no idea how to get on track.
I have physically moved one, but there are still times I have to remind myself that I’m not the fat girl anymore. More than once I have compared myself to a friend and believed that I was much bigger than her only to find out that we were exactly the same size. When a guy glances in my direction, I have to tell myself that he might be looking at me – not searching past me for the prettier girl that just walked in the door.
I am improving and this recent weight loss is helping. For eight years I teetered on an unhealthy weight and now I am finally normal. But I know that it’s a mental game more than a physical one. Seeing the number on the scale and logically knowing that I’m a healthy weight is different from truly feeling thin and beautiful. It’s a continuous journey and for me, that journey will probably never end. So today I am grateful for the journey and content to be moving forward.